Purple is my favorite color- but not on my skin. F.E.T.

Be prepared.  If you're going to do IVF, the Lovenox shot gives you bruises.  And lots of them.

I was forewarned before I started that one of the sub-cutaneous shots (Lovenox) was a blood thinner.  And that I would get bruises from it.  I can honestly say I have no love for Lovenox.  It burns when it goes in.  And the next morning, you get a brand new bruise!   You're supposed to ice before AND after the injection to reduce bruising.

We started it the day after my Frozen Embryo Transfer.   I'm not going to lie.  It's not that fun.   I get a shot of Lovenox in my tummy, and a progesterone intra-muscular shot in butt.  (Rotating sides each night)   

This is actually bruises from 2 separate shots.
But they combined forces to form one big bruise.

The yellow one is the Lovenox- before and after.
The blue tipped one is the Progesterone.

Last year when I was getting some bruises from my injections, I told my hubby to try and make it shaped like a dolphin.  We weren't entirely successful.

These ones are more circular shaped, so we decided to try and re-create a world map of the continents.   As an "artist", it's hard to work with a medium like blood thinners.  This was the best we could do....  I think it's close.  ;)

So.. I'm joking about it now.  But trust me, I already had my melt-down the first night I had to get these shots.  And I realized something.  I pretty much have the mentality of a 3 year old.  In my church, I am one of the Nursery Leaders.  (Which means, I'm in charge of a group of kids age 18 months- 3 years old).   Whenever we get a new kid, they usually cry.   (Because it's new and unfamiliar.)    

We divide our 2 hour block of time into sections.  

1st- Play with Toys.  2nd- Lesson/Snack  

3rd- Singing Time  4th- Play-doh/ Bubbles.   

And never fail.... even if the kid settles down and quits crying during toy time, the second we switch rooms to have snack, he will start crying again!  (Because it's new and they just got comfortable with the situation, and it changed again!)  Even though snack time is awesome.  ;)    

So it dawned on me that I am exactly like my nursery kids.  Right before each new injection, I have a really hard time.  And it usually involves tears.  And it's just because I don't know what to expect.  (Especially if I know it's going to hurt.)  But I've learned that once I get through the first one, it's better.  It doesn't hurt any less, but I can deal better because I know what's coming.  So I fight it less.  And it doesn't take as long for me to agree to let hubby give me the shot.

So... that's the latest on my Lovenox shots.

Modified Bed Rest and Sweet Friends

After the Frozen Embryo Transfer, the doctor told me I was on "Princess Status" or "Coach Potato Status" to give the embryo a chance to implant.  So basically, I got to hang out on the couch for a long time.  (Either sitting or reclining)  Other people would think this sounds awesome, but for me it was pretty difficult at first.  It was hard to stay down.  There was all this stuff I could be doing, but I had to stay put.  I had books, movies, and Netflix.  But that got boring.

  For the first 72 hours, all I was allowed to do was pretty much go to the bathroom.   It's hard to be humble enough to let someone else wait on you hand and foot.  Especially because I'm used to being so independent.  But I let my hubby take care of me, and I got through it.  (Again, other people might love the idea, but I felt guilty for sitting there while he was doing everything.)

After the first 72 hour period, the restrictions eased up a little bit.  And I could move around more, get a snack, but basically still had to take it easy.  At that point, hubby had to go back to work, so it was a good thing I could get food for myself!

I also had some very sweet friends and family that came to visit to help make my week of being home-bound more bearable.  I was very spoiled with visits, food, and gifts.

On Friday, my sister was the first to come visit and brought me a gift and a card that read "I hope this keeps you entertained for at least 20 minutes."  And it was bubble wrap!!  LOL.  And yes, I did spend half a day popping the bubbles while I read or watched TV.  It gave my hands something to do.

One of my best friends spent all of Saturday playing games with me.  We set up a card table outside so I could get some fresh air.  (I was allowed to sit)   So they set it up, and I just sat there, and it was sooooo nice to be outside.

My sis-in-law brought me a milkshake and a Cafe Rio salad.

On Sunday, my co-worker brought me a goodie bag with treats and a My Little Pony coloring book.  (This is so me!!)

On Sunday evening, my parents came to visit.  And my best friend grilled my hubby and I a delicious dinner!  (It was way better than anything I could have made, even if I was allowed to get up!!)

By Monday, I was feeling really stir-crazy.   But one of my other dear friends called me (and we talked for an hour), then ended up bringing me a sub sandwich and rented me a Netflix movie.  I felt much better after talking to her.

Tuesday, another friend came over and played games with me.  We ordered pizza and watched Muppets.

Wednesday, I mainly read a book all day, and talked with my aunt.

Thursday, Devon's sister came to visit.   Then that evening, a friend brought dinner over, showed me how to do Indexing (a project that helps people do family history), then we watched Big Bang Theory together.

Friday, I was officially done with modified bedrest.  But I still took it easy.  I'm on restricted physical activities.  I'm not supposed to push/pull/pick up more than 15 lbs.  (per my doctor) 

So... now it's just a waiting game.  But regardless of the outcome, I have to say how grateful I am to have such supportive and wonderful friends and family!!!!  <3

LOL! Awkward conversations...

Samantha cracks me up.  I'm at home on modified bed rest after my recent procedure.  

I work at the front desk of a busy office, and she is covering for me this week.  Here's what she's been texting me...

LOL!!!   I love my friends... they keep me laughing... :)

Frozen Embryo Transfer - FET

Friday was our Frozen Embryo Transfer.  (FET)   It was done at an Outpatient Surgery Center.  (Even though I didn't have to get an IV or anything.)  It's a really short procedure.  (Maybe 5 minutes long.)   You're supposed to drink a lot of water before you go in, so you have a full bladder.  The bladder flattens the uterus, and makes transfer easier.   The procedure didn't hurt, but it was a little uncomfortable.  I think I didn't drink enough water.  (Well, I did... my body just didn't digest it fast enough!!)  Because after I got home, I had to go to the bathroom 3 times.   

This time hubby got to come back in the room with me, and watch the embryo being placed.  Well, kind of.  He was there anyway.  It was hard to see.   We were watching this screen as the doctor inserted the flexible catheter all the way up to the uterus.  It was just normal gray fuzzy ultrasound screen.  But they knew what they were looking at.  Once the bigger one was in, then he put a smaller catheter in through the bigger one to transfer the embryo.  

It was so short, it was kind of anti-climactic!  I didn't even hear when doctor told us when he was putting the embryo in!  (Hubby said he did.)  But I was lying down, and the doctor had a mask on, so all I heard was mumbling.  All I knew is when the nurse said to look at the + on the screen, and that was where they had placed it.  I remember the doctor mumbling about getting it on target.  

So... that was it.  Prior to going back, the nurse had said we could take a picture of the screen, but my hubby had my phone, and it was over so fast, we didn't get a picture of it.  But I'm sure it looks like any other uterus ultrasound pic.  It's hard to tell what you're looking at.  Especially when the embryo is the size of a poppy seed.  So... oh well.  Missed that chance.  But honestly, no one else has a picture of their embryo at time of conception either!  

Because we were down to 1 embryo, the doctor told us our chance of success was 40-42%.   :/   That was a little bit discouraging.  We had a higher percentage before- but I guess that was when we had more embryos to work with.  Anyway... it is what it is.  It's all in God's hands now.  It's His will.  If He wants me to be pregnant, then this fertilized embryo will attach.  If he has another plan for me, then it won't.  But that's tricky to deal with after you've been through so much.

Once we were out in the car, I asked hubby how he felt about it.  He said he got emotional, and got a lump in his throat.  And now we just wait.  And pray.  And hope it's our turn for a miracle. 

My butt hurts- Intramuscular Injections

My butt hurts!!  And this is why:

 Oh, what a weekend.  My intra-muscular butt shots started last weekend.  

Last Saturday was supposed to be an important doctor's appointment.  Not only was I scheduled to do my blood draw/ ultrasound, but my hubby was supposed to come and get trained how to do intra-muscular shots.  They're more complicated than the sub-cutaneous ones.  (It's a lot longer needle.  It's an oil-based shot, so it's thicker and takes longer to inject.  You have a very specific area it has to go into the butt.  It's too thick to go into the thigh.  Once you stick it in, you have to check to make sure you don't get blood in the needle.)  Just a lot of new information.

Here's the training video if you're curious:   http://www.freedommedteach.com/eng/videos.html?play=progesterone_in_oil

But then Saturday morning, hubby woke up sick.  :(   I called a really good friend, and luckily for me, she was willing to drop everything on her agenda to accompany me to the doctor.

 Knowing myself, I needed another person there to take notes.  Because when I start to get overwhelmed, I shut down.  And somebody had to pay attention to this!  We went over the drug schedule (which is complicated), and I have already messed up twice!  (Taking the wrong medication at the wrong time!  And forgotten to take a medication.)  I was not meant to be a druggie.  ;)   It's too complicated.

   But despite my mixed up drugs, it turned out to be okay.  My uterine lining was still good, so we don't have to postpone the transfer.

We had a meeting with the IVF coordinator, and she drew circles on both of my hips/glutes to show hubby where to put the IM injection.  

So that was Saturday.

Sunday was a whole different experience.  Sunday night, I had a little bit of a mental breakdown.  (Knowing these shots were coming.)

That morning, I had read a really good quote on The Mormon Channel on Sunday morning.  (speaking about Jesus Christ)

"His life was not free of conflict or pain, but it was free of fear and full of meaning." 

 - David E. Sorenson  

That was what I wanted.  It's the fear of the pain that gets me all worked up.

Sunday evening, hubby gave me a blessing around 9:30 pm, but then due to circumstances, he didn't end up trying to give me the shot until about an hour later after the blessing.  (This was a new shot, so he was getting it ready and studying the instructions.)
By then too much time had passed, and my anxiety was really starting to build up.  In addition to that, because he wasn't at the shot training meeting, he was trying to do it differently than I had learned how to do it.  So I freaked out and we argued because I thought he was doing it wrong.  (The IVF coordinator had said to pinch the skin when starting the injection, and the written instructions and training video that they told us to watch said to spread the skin out with your fingers.)  He didn't know any other way to do it, because he was just following the video's instructions... but it was different than the verbal instructions I received.  And I was worried about it hurting more this way.  Anyway, I was just too freaked out to let him do it.  

Long story short, I ran away. (Briefly)  Fight or flight instincts kicked in.  I just had to get away.  So... at 10:30 pm I threw my clothes on and left.  I told hubby I needed to go on a walk, and when I got back we could do the injection.  (I was pretty worked up at the time.)  And I just left.... without my phone, without the dogs.... no idea were I was going.  Just walking as fast as I could away from the house outside in the dark, cold night.

Crying and praying, I asked Heavenly Father to help me get through this.  Because I couldn't do it.  (and I didn't want to do it!)  It took me almost 40 minutes to decide to return to the house.  Walking away from the house was a very brisk walk.  Walking back towards the house was very slow... feeling like I was on some quest where I had to face my destiny.  (even though I didn't want to.)  I don't know why these are so hard for me.  I thought of all the other people I knew who had done IVF and had to get the same shots.  It's just something you have to get through... a means to an end.  Part of what overwhelms me is knowing that I have to potentially do these shots for 3 months.  (assuming I get pregnant.)  (If I don't get pregnant, they will stop.)  So I had to remind myself to just take it one day at a time.  It's not 12 weeks of shots.  It's one day.  I only have to endure one day.  And it will probably only hurt for 10-15 seconds.  10 seconds out of 24 hours.  That's all I have to get through.

So I went back into the house, hugged my husband, and said we could try again.  The 40 minute walk/ prayer had helped.  So I iced the area again, turned on a pretty, soft song on my iPod, and hubby gave me the first of many future IM shots.  

FYI.. for anyone reading this who has to get an IM injection.  Here's some tips:  Ice the area really well (a long time) right before the shot to numb the skin.  I tell my hubby to count to 3 before giving the shot, and I make sure I'm exhaling a long breath when he's administering it.  (That helps me not tense up so much.)   Then afterwards, massage the area for at least 10-15 minutes!!  I recommend buying one of those little massage tools to spare hubby's hands.  Because you're going to need it.

  The instructions said to rub the area for 2 minutes.  That didn't cut it.  The next morning, I woke up and my hip was so sore and painful!  It's odd because it's not the injection site that hurts, it's around the area surrounding it.  So the next night, hubby massaged the area for about 10 minutes.  And that next morning, that hip was much better.  It was still sore.  But not horribly painful sore.  Just a little achy sore.

The one nice thing about the progesterone IM injections is that there is no residual burning or stinging from the medication when you get it.  Once it's done, it's done.  You just have to massage the area really well so that the next morning, you can walk normally.  (My sister told me I was walking like a baby penguin after my first IM shot.)   From then on, we've rubbed the medication in really well.  So no more baby penguin walk.  ;)

Catching the Band-aid Bandit...

WANTED:  The Band-Aid Bandit

Do these look familiar to you??

So.. hubby says I have a secret admirer.  ;)   We're calling this person the "Band-aid Bandit".    I keep getting anonymous packages from Amazon with band-aids in them!  And it's bugging me trying to figure out who it is!

There's only a small percentage of my friends that fit the qualifications of 1) knowing my situation (infertility shots) and love of fun band-aids.  (Just my Facebook friends)  2) Know my home address, and 3) Is tech-savvy enough to know how to send Amazon gift packages anonymously!!

And I know you want to remain anonymous, but I want to talk to you about how fun these band-aids are!!  So feel free to confess these are from you!

My 1st package had these two fun selections:

Lips and Bacon

And did you know you didn't just send me one container of bacon bandages?  You sent me one BOX of bacon band-aids!!  12 containers!   I now own 180 bacon bandages!  Well, now I'm probably down to 168.  But still!  I told Devon - "I HOPE I don't have to still do 180 more shots!!!"  So that was a cool gift.  And I definitely got good use out of it.  (Still am)  

But THEN... I got ANOTHER package!  These ones are awesome too!  Crime Scene and Unicorn/Rainbow band-aids.  LOL.

And they say funny things on them like:

"For best results, apply to body parts not already outlined in chalk."

"Made with unicorn tears for extra healing power!"

"Treat your minor cuts, scrapes, and scratches with the incredible healing power of meat!"

LOL.

I told my sister-in-law about these band-aids,and she told me she would give me $30 if I posted a pic of the lips band-aid on my butt, with the hashtag #KissMyButt.    I told my other sister about it.  She suggested writing Infertility Can #KissMyButt.  

So that's what I'm going to do.  (one of these days)

(A tastefully cropped pic of the band-aid placement!!!)    ;)

This is the only clue I have to the sender's identity.  

So- whoever you are.... thank you.  These are definitely fun band-aids.  :)

(And you can tell me who you are... we can still be friends.)  ;)

Snow babies

It looks like we're getting ready to rob a bank, but we're actually trying to not freeze our noses off!  It was 18 degrees up north!

We went skiing this weekend!!  (One of my favorite things to do!!)   Knowing that I will be on restricted physical activities after the embryo transfer, I had to get in one last trip.  We had to plan it around my doctor appointments (which are every other week.)  So it was this weekend or never!

The snow was perfect!!  It had just stormed before we drove up, but that Saturday it was beautiful.  I'm so glad we went!  I'm just assuming I am getting pregnant next month, so this was our last hurrah.

It was REALLY COLD up on the mountain.  And I told hubby that this was what our embryo felt like in the freezer!!  ;)

It was a little adventurous remembering my drug schedule while traveling!  I had the opportunity to moon several people at the rest stops!  (Kind of)  It takes some creativity to do the shots while on the road.    We stopped at Subway to get food, and ice (that I put in a ziplock bag).  I held the ice on my butt while we drove for a while, and when it was time... we pulled over and hubby gave me a shot in the butt.  (It quite the interesting endeavor.)   We tried to park away from people, but we got some interesting looks from other people at the rest stops!

On the ride up there, we were talking about our possible future kid, and who they would look like.  We were talking about our genes, and what color eyes/ hair/ etc our baby would have.  We talked about our dominant and recessive traits.  

We were joking around, and hubby figured out why we weren't able to get pregnant thus far!   

 I laughed so hard when my hubby said (Speaking for our genes).. "We can't BOTH be dominant!!  One of us has to be recessive!!"  So- that explains why I've had difficulty getting pregnant.  In a normal month, our male/ female genes don't have enough time to negotiate the terms of the future baby.  (Because we're both pretty stubborn!)

But if you stick that embryo in the freezer for a month or two to chill out... that ought to be enough time for them to come to a decision!!  ;)   So therefore using that logic, this Frozen Embryo Transfer is going to be successful.  ;)