Last time I went through this, I was filled with a feeling of dread.
It's different this time. I've made my peace with it. If I am pregnant, then we'll figure out how to navigate that road. There will be 2 more blood tests just to make sure my numbers keep going up. Then in 2 1/2 weeks, they'll do an ultrasound. (I get those all the time, but this time there would be a baby (or two) in there.)
And if I'm not pregnant, well then it will be okay. I'll be disappointed, but also relieved to finally have closure. I will have literally done everything I could have possibly done to get pregnant. And if doesn't happen by this point, then obviously the Lord has different plans for me. (and quite honestly, it will be a relief to stop doing all the butt and tummy shots every night. Those don't feel good.)
So... now we wait...
My friend Rainie sent me an interesting conference talk called "Trust in the Lord"
And here's the part that stood out to me. It's pretty obvious the Lord wanted me to grow and learn from this whole infertility experience....
"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.
When you face adversity, you can be led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask, Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial? Willing sacrifice of deeply held personal desires in favor of the will of God is very hard to do. Yet, when you pray with real conviction, “Please let me know Thy will” and “May Thy will be done,” you are in the strongest position to receive the maximum help from your loving Father.
This life is an experience in profound trust—trust in Jesus Christ, trust in His teachings, trust in our capacity as led by the Holy Spirit to obey those teachings for happiness now and for a purposeful, supremely happy eternal existence. To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning (see Prov. 3:5–7). "
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