Miscarriage and Infertility. Faith and Trials.

I saw this quote and knew I wanted to write a blogpost about it.   I've been contemplating for a while what to say.

Since publicly sharing about my journey with infertility, I have had so many friends write to me privately sharing their experiences.  I had NO idea it was so common, because people don't usually talk about it.  It really really helped me to talk to people who had been down this road before.  Just to feel like I'm not alone, and also to learn from them.

I had a friend write me on Facebook and shared a very personal, private experience about her recent miscarriage.   With her permission, I am sharing our conversation.  

Hey CJ! I just wanted to send you a message to say how brave you are to share your journey, and that you are not alone. Sometimes, I think it helps to know others are there too. While our journeys are different - there are some similarities. I have had 2 miscarriages in the past 10 months (the last this past week) - and the devastation is overwhelming, especially when we are the age we are. It is a unique misery, coupled with profound hope and faith which keeps us moving forward despite the pain and sadness. Hard to explain, but I think you understand. Your willingness to share you experiences is so very brave, and makes a difference. Although I am not sharing publicly, I wanted to at least reach out to you, share my story, and let you know you are not alone and that I am here, rooting you on all the time. However our journeys end, we need to find purpose in the journey. And maybe part of that purpose it to reach out to others. We are stronger together than apart. Sending you hope, love, and strength! Take care of yourself and hang in there.

Reading her words really affected me.  

I don't feel brave.  In fact, I had been hesitant to write on my blog lately.  Some days I am totally okay with openly sharing everything.  And other days, I'm not ready to deal with the questions that come with it.  (Because it is obviously a matter that is so close to the heart.)  But I think my friend was inspired to share this with me.  It motivated me to write again.  So that by sharing, maybe it might help someone else who is enduring this privately.  And then also, it really helps me when people reach out to me and share their story.  It provides me with strength, support, encouragement, and friendship.   That helps.

There are so many facets to infertility.  Obviously, it isn't just not being able to get pregnant, it's also not being able to go full-term.  It's heart-breaking to hear her story, especially because I do know what that yearning feels like.  And although I have not yet experienced miscarriage, I think she's right.  We are on the same journey.  I asked her if I could share her story.  This is what she replied:

I wouldn't mind you sharing anonymously.  In fact maybe it will help bring some purpose to all this.

I like that even though my friend and I are different religions, we both share a faith in God.  That things happen for a purpose, even if we can't immediately understand why.  We both understand that things will work out in the Lord's time.  Even if there are disappointments and heartaches right now, there is a purpose to the journey.  (even if we can't understand it yet.)

I found this quote and it really stuck with me-  "Who better to help someone who is experiencing a difficult trial than someone who has experienced it himself/ herself?  The trials we endure enable us to help others endure their trials."   And I know that's true.  And that's one of the reasons we go through trials, so we can have a more gentle, understand, and empathetic heart.  And that enables us to help those around us.  My friend Candice has been the one to help me the most through my Frozen Embryo Transfers.  Because she's done them recently.  Successfully and unsuccessfully.  She knows each step.  She understands.  I think as we share our life's experiences, we can connect with others.  Helping them and letting them help us.  That's one thing I've learned from all this.  

The other is the importance of relying on the Savior to get us through our hardest times.  This video "Hope Ya Know, I'm Having a Hard Time" came up in my Facebook feed.  And I knew I had to share it.  Sometimes we just have hard times.  Even with great friends and family who are supportive.  

The lyrics to the song "Where Can I Turn For Peace?" are so profound to me.

Where Can I Turn for Peace?

31243, Hymns, Where Can I Turn for Peace?, no. 129

1. Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?

2. Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.

3. He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.

Text: Emma Lou Thayne, b. 1924. © 1973 IRI

Music: Joleen G. Meredith, b. 1935. © 1973 IRI

John 14:27

John 16:33

Hebrews 4:14-16

  I think we're all coming to realize that the ultimate source of peace during our trials and hard times can be found through turning to Jesus Christ.  And that's part of why we go through trials, so we can come closer to our Savior.  (If we choose to.)    I appreciate my friend writing to me and encouraging me.  Because of her, I'm slowly opening up again about this journey.