The decision to tell people we're adopting

We've been selected to have a baby placed with us for adoption.  But I haven't really told anyone.
At first, it was because I was still trying to believe it myself.  But now that it's settling in, I'm still hesitant to tell people.  The birth mom has the right to change her mind up to 72 hours after the birth.  And I've heard a lot of stories of that happening.  (Which the birth mom has every right to do.)  It's just hard to get all excited about something so huge, then have it fall through.

So I'm scared to tell people.

I remember when I got pregnant last year, I only told family members.  I was going to wait until after I was out of the first trimester to tell everyone else.  I didn't make it that far.  And after I miscarried, the hardest thing ever was to un-tell them that I was no longer pregnant.  And that was just family.

So I think that plays into why I am hesitant to share our potential adoption with all my friends.  I don't want to have to un-tell if it doesn't go through.

On Dec 31st, I told my family that we were getting a baby, but also warned them that it may not happen.

But later, after talking with my sister, my view slowly changed.  The more I communicate with the birth-mom, the more confident I feel that this adoption is going to go through.  I told my sister that I was cautiously optimistic.  I told her that it was so hard to pretend that I don't care if this happens or not.  To say to the birth-mom- "no pressure from me. I just want you to do what you feel is right".  When every fiber of my being is saying "Please pick me."

I can't remember her exact words, but my sister basically said I was lying to myself.  She asked "are you going to be any less heartbroken if you pretend to not be excited?"  I said no- it's still going to hurt the same, whether I admit it does or not."  So she said- "then why not be excited?  Why not be happy about it, then deal with whatever happens when it happens?"

I've been seeing a counselor about some of the issues that come with infertility.  When I told her on Jan 10th that we might be adopting, she told me "You've got your game face on."  And I do.  It's hard to get super excited knowing that there is a possibility it may not happen.

When I told my friend Christina on Jan 12th, she told me I had more of a guarantee of getting a child through adoption that I did through doing infertility procedures.  I said, it's not a guarantee, it's a chance.  She said, "there's no chance that a judge is not going to approve you to be a parent.  And then it's just a matter of time."   She said "You have to believe it's in God's plan for you to have a child."  She talked about me, my husband, my family... and said " there's no way you'll not have a child."  (Once you have taken all the steps.)  That sunk in.  I had forgotten to have faith.  This isn't about a birth-mom selecting or rejecting me.  This is about one way or another God will find a way to get a little soul to our family.

Our adoption lawyer said the same thing.  He said "In my experience, babies always end up in the homes they are meant to go to."  So whatever child is supposed to be a part of our family will end up with us.

So- after letting all this sink in... I think it's time to tell.  We've been selected by a birth-mom to adopt a baby boy.  And he's due Feb. 20th.  And I think it's time to be excited about it.  (As well as nervous, and scared.... but those are normal new parent emotions too.)    :)