Patiently Persevering - One Day At A Time

This picture of a baby surrounded by IVF needles went viral in October.  http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/photo-baby-surrounded-heart-ivf-syringes-viral-article-1.2391628

At first I was one of the ones who shared it on my Facebook page, because it reminded me of what I was trying for.  But then that night, I couldn't sleep.  I really do have a needle phobia.  (Related to a childhood trauma I experienced, and am actively trying to get over.)  I've come a long way... but it still affects me.  And the idea that it would take this many injections to get a baby was overwhelming.  I couldn't sleep.  I started hyperventilating.  I kept thinking that I don't want to do this!!

This quote by D. Todd Christofferson really helped me:

And that's what I had to realize.  It wasn't going to be hundreds of shots.  It was going to be one shot (at first) per day.  Later it went up to four a day.  But it was just that one day.  And that's all I needed to focus on.

At church on Sunday morning, a speaker named Sabrina brought up an interesting point.  We are often told to "Endure to the end", but that can often have a negative connotation.  She liked to think of it as "patiently persevering" to the end goal.

On Sunday night, hubby and I went over to a friend's house for dinner.  We stayed later than anticipated because we got sucked in watching a movie.  So we were driving home around 9:15 pm.  I usually get my shots around 9:30 pm.  But I started getting anxiety on the ride home.  It felt like I was being rushed into it.  And I wasn't ready.

I've learned that if I ice the area before and after, it doesn't hurt so much.  (One of the medications (Menopur) burns when it goes in.)  So when we got home, instead of icing right away,  passive aggressive me curled up in fetal position on the bed and starts looking absent-mindedly at Facebook.  Because in passive-aggressive-land, if I never ice, then I never have to get the shots.

Hubby was really good.  He came in and curled up behind me.  (which we've talked about is what I need when I shut down.)  He tried talking to me.  I wasn't really cooperative.  He just held me.  And eventually I started crying.  Because I don't want to do the shots.  Again.  Same as last night.  Same as the night before.

He tried to complement me and brought up how I was "patiently persevering" through this IVF cycle.   But I wasn't.  I hated every night of it.  During the day I didn't mind it so much, because I don't think about it.  But every night I come close to having a melt-down.  (or I have one.)  Depends on the night.  
Hubby has been very patient with me.  He doesn't do the shots until I'm ready.  He doesn't try to talk me into them.  He just waits until I finally give in.   Sometimes it's just about getting through your trials one day at a time.

During the hard times, I've learned to take it slow.  And just get through life one day at time.