Cupcakes and butt bruises - IVF

I'm running out of areas to get my shots in.   One of my really sweet co-workers even bought me a cupcake, and wrote on it "I hope your butt feels better soon"!   That was really sweet.

My butt (and tummy) keep getting injections and they really don't like it.  (They told me.)

I'm trying to rotate the shots between the left and right side of my stomach and butt so I don't bruise. Obviously I was unsuccessful last night.  Here's a cropped picture of my butt bruise.

And. . this is why the minion ran away screaming. And I would too if I could.  

That time, something went wrong with one of the shots.   That's how I ended up with a huge bruise on my backside.

After telling my sympathetic sister-in-law about it, she created the hashtag #poorcjsbutt.  That made me laugh.  

Most times, it's not that that big.   I get little circle bruises where the biggest shot goes in.  And next to it, I have little red holes.  The bleed a little bit.  (Hence the need for cool band-aids.)

I was telling my friend about how the bruises don't go away.  She suggested I make them into shapes and patterns.  So then we decided to do constellations.   That would be the easiest thing to do with 4 injections per night.  So this is our attempt at Orion's Belt.  Maybe next time, we'll try for Cassiopeia.  :P

P.S.  Lest you think I'm always this good-humored.  Let me correct you. I am NOT.  From 9-11 pm, it's mental breakdown time.  Some nights I fight it.  Some nights I cry.  On ZERO nights have I been okay with getting these shots.  You just get through it... let the emotions come.  Then deal with it later.  It also helps to have really good friends that can make you laugh.

The Stimulation Phase- growing the follicles. IVF

So... went to the doctor again today.  This whole week I've had a doctor appointment every single day.  They draw my blood to check my hormone levels.   (Which is my least favorite part)  And every day I get an ultra-sound.  See those big black lumps on the screen?  Those are my follicles.   This is the "Stimulation Phase" where I grow big lumps on my ovaries. (on purpose)   Hopefully each follicule will have an egg in it.  And as soon as they get big enough, I'll have the egg retrieval surgery...

For the record, I HATE needles.  And I have been REALLY cooperative thus far.  But it's been a challenge.  I contemplate canceling my appointment probably at least twice a day.  But then I remember I've already come this far, and I don't really want to have to start over.  So I just close my eyes, take deep breaths, and get through it.

Patiently Persevering - One Day At A Time

This picture of a baby surrounded by IVF needles went viral in October.  http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/photo-baby-surrounded-heart-ivf-syringes-viral-article-1.2391628

At first I was one of the ones who shared it on my Facebook page, because it reminded me of what I was trying for.  But then that night, I couldn't sleep.  I really do have a needle phobia.  (Related to a childhood trauma I experienced, and am actively trying to get over.)  I've come a long way... but it still affects me.  And the idea that it would take this many injections to get a baby was overwhelming.  I couldn't sleep.  I started hyperventilating.  I kept thinking that I don't want to do this!!

This quote by D. Todd Christofferson really helped me:

And that's what I had to realize.  It wasn't going to be hundreds of shots.  It was going to be one shot (at first) per day.  Later it went up to four a day.  But it was just that one day.  And that's all I needed to focus on.

At church on Sunday morning, a speaker named Sabrina brought up an interesting point.  We are often told to "Endure to the end", but that can often have a negative connotation.  She liked to think of it as "patiently persevering" to the end goal.

On Sunday night, hubby and I went over to a friend's house for dinner.  We stayed later than anticipated because we got sucked in watching a movie.  So we were driving home around 9:15 pm.  I usually get my shots around 9:30 pm.  But I started getting anxiety on the ride home.  It felt like I was being rushed into it.  And I wasn't ready.

I've learned that if I ice the area before and after, it doesn't hurt so much.  (One of the medications (Menopur) burns when it goes in.)  So when we got home, instead of icing right away,  passive aggressive me curled up in fetal position on the bed and starts looking absent-mindedly at Facebook.  Because in passive-aggressive-land, if I never ice, then I never have to get the shots.

Hubby was really good.  He came in and curled up behind me.  (which we've talked about is what I need when I shut down.)  He tried talking to me.  I wasn't really cooperative.  He just held me.  And eventually I started crying.  Because I don't want to do the shots.  Again.  Same as last night.  Same as the night before.

He tried to complement me and brought up how I was "patiently persevering" through this IVF cycle.   But I wasn't.  I hated every night of it.  During the day I didn't mind it so much, because I don't think about it.  But every night I come close to having a melt-down.  (or I have one.)  Depends on the night.  
Hubby has been very patient with me.  He doesn't do the shots until I'm ready.  He doesn't try to talk me into them.  He just waits until I finally give in.   Sometimes it's just about getting through your trials one day at a time.

During the hard times, I've learned to take it slow.  And just get through life one day at time.

Weird dreams

I woke up last night at 3:30 am from a dead sleep.  I had a dream that I was being stung by scorpions.
 (I think that I was actually sleeping on my stomach, and I was laying on the injection site- which was sore from my 4 shots.)   And I think this was my subconscious trying to say ROLL OVER!  :P

I was going to post about it on Facebook the next morning, because I thought it was kind of an ironic dream.  But that's when I discovered that Arizona had a minor earthquake in the middle of the night.  (Which I slept right through.)  And everybody was posting about that instead!  So... I didn't mention my weird dream.  It wasn't as big of news as the earthquake obviously.  :P

Doing shots and drugs

When I tell people I am doing shots and drugs, I wonder what they think.  And if they think of "doing shots and drugs' as something a dumb college kid would do.  That's not the kind I do.  I have so many pills to take through-out the day, I had to get one of those pill dividers.  And my drugs are listed on an excel spreadsheet, so I can cross them off each day.

And who doesn't want their very own home sharps container??  (Sarcasm)  Tonight (Oct 30th) is my first of many shots for an IVF cycle.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared/ nervous/ anxious.  We've had several unsuccessful IUI's in the past.  Maybe this time will be different.  If not, at least I'll be able to finish our home study application for adoption.

Praying for answers- the path to follow

I spent the summer trying to decide if I should to In Vitro Fertilization or continue with the adoption process.

I had been praying for a while what to do.  And I came across this quote:

"The path to be followed may not always be clear at once. Pray for light; do not decide too quickly, listen to what others have to say, consider their reasons. You will always find something to help you. … Guided by faith, by prayer, and by reason with a right intention, you have enough."

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2015/05/sunday-morning-session/returning-to-faith?lang=eng

So I decided to go in for an IVF Consult.  Just to get some more information.

Bitter Cup

This quote got me through the summer of 2015.

I kept a screenshot of it on my computer.