BIG NEWS! We've been picked!

So- I have big news!  We're getting a baby!!  (hopefully!)  We've been picked!!  I've been communicating with a potential birth mom since December.  And she has picked Devon and I to adopt her little baby boy!  We traveled last weekend to go meet up in person.  So this is now starting to feel real.  (and SOON!)  She's due Feb 20th!

To tell our families, I wrapped up a big box with a bow on top.  And it was addressed to all the cousins.  Inside was "It's A Boy" balloons, a minion toy, and this sign.  (We did this for my family and then re-wrapped the box again for hubby's family)

Obviously, everyone is so excited!

For my out of town relatives, I texted them this picture:

When I showed this picture to my dad, he said "I don't get it."  I told him it was in reference to the popular 90's song "Ice Ice Baby".  ;)  

When we were doing infertility treatments, it involved tons of doctor appointments, and so announcing a pregnancy then was exciting, but not a surprise.

This was definitely a surprise to our families!  (Which was fun)  I'm happy I got the opportunity to surprise them with a fun baby announcement.

To be honest, it's scary telling everyone, because there's still a chance the birth mom could change her mind.  She can't legally waive her parental rights until 72 hours after the baby is born.  But the way it's been going so far, I'm feeling fairly confident that we'll end up being the parents to this little guy.

The birth mom loves this little baby, but she feels like this is the best decision.  Because she wants him to have a better life than she is able to provide right now.  She just wants him to be loved and taken care of.  I promised her that without a doubt we would love and take care of this little guy.

It's kind of complicated because we're not even legal to adopt yet!!  Our home study paperwork was sent to the judge at the beginning of December.  And he has 90 days to sign off on it.   (My social worker just sent a new letter to the judge saying we have been matched to a birth mom due next month, and asked if the paperwork could be expedited!!)   We've met with an adoption attorney, and he said that even if we're not legal when the baby is born, it's ok.  Then we just have to have a court hearing to grant us temporary custody of the baby until the paperwork is finalized.

So- yeah.  That's my secret!  I haven't been telling people that I have been communicating with a potential birth mom for fear of it falling through.  But things are looking promising!  I wrote a whole separate blogpost about that...

But needless to say, this little miracle is ALL Heavenly Father's doing.  Because we aren't even legal to adopt yet, I hadn't even started looking or writing our profile for Adoption.com.  The birth mom found me!   She found me through a friend of a friend of a friend.  And after communicating for a while, we both felt good about this.    

I have a friend in my ward who was home visiting her family for Thanksgiving.  She said they weren't even talking about babies or kids, when she felt prompted to ask "Does anyone know anyone who wants to place their baby for adoption?"  Her sisters said no, no.  But then her mom said "Well, I do!!"  Turns out, she is friends with a lady who is the step-mom to a girl who was pregnant.  And this girl had already decided she wanted to place her baby for adoption long before I was even in the picture!   So my friend told her mom to tell her friend to tell her step-daughter about us.  And it worked.  Because of them, we exchanged phone numbers.  And later I texted the birth mom and told her that I heard she was considering placing her baby for adoption.  And that my husband and I would love to be considered as a potential adoptive couple for this baby.

I'll write that whole story later.  It felt like dating all over again.  But the end result is, she has chosen us.  And assuming things go as planned, we're going to be adding a little baby boy to our family very soon.   Weird, huh??  I still have a hard time grasping it.  Which is how I know that this is TOTALLY Heavenly Father hooking us up.  Because I didn't do anything to get connected with this birth mom.  She found me.  

  

The quote "A coincidence is just God's way of remaining anonymous." is credited to Albert Einstein.  I don't know if he said it, but that quote is totally true!!

The decision to tell people we're adopting

We've been selected to have a baby placed with us for adoption.  But I haven't really told anyone.
At first, it was because I was still trying to believe it myself.  But now that it's settling in, I'm still hesitant to tell people.  The birth mom has the right to change her mind up to 72 hours after the birth.  And I've heard a lot of stories of that happening.  (Which the birth mom has every right to do.)  It's just hard to get all excited about something so huge, then have it fall through.

So I'm scared to tell people.

I remember when I got pregnant last year, I only told family members.  I was going to wait until after I was out of the first trimester to tell everyone else.  I didn't make it that far.  And after I miscarried, the hardest thing ever was to un-tell them that I was no longer pregnant.  And that was just family.

So I think that plays into why I am hesitant to share our potential adoption with all my friends.  I don't want to have to un-tell if it doesn't go through.

On Dec 31st, I told my family that we were getting a baby, but also warned them that it may not happen.

But later, after talking with my sister, my view slowly changed.  The more I communicate with the birth-mom, the more confident I feel that this adoption is going to go through.  I told my sister that I was cautiously optimistic.  I told her that it was so hard to pretend that I don't care if this happens or not.  To say to the birth-mom- "no pressure from me. I just want you to do what you feel is right".  When every fiber of my being is saying "Please pick me."

I can't remember her exact words, but my sister basically said I was lying to myself.  She asked "are you going to be any less heartbroken if you pretend to not be excited?"  I said no- it's still going to hurt the same, whether I admit it does or not."  So she said- "then why not be excited?  Why not be happy about it, then deal with whatever happens when it happens?"

I've been seeing a counselor about some of the issues that come with infertility.  When I told her on Jan 10th that we might be adopting, she told me "You've got your game face on."  And I do.  It's hard to get super excited knowing that there is a possibility it may not happen.

When I told my friend Christina on Jan 12th, she told me I had more of a guarantee of getting a child through adoption that I did through doing infertility procedures.  I said, it's not a guarantee, it's a chance.  She said, "there's no chance that a judge is not going to approve you to be a parent.  And then it's just a matter of time."   She said "You have to believe it's in God's plan for you to have a child."  She talked about me, my husband, my family... and said " there's no way you'll not have a child."  (Once you have taken all the steps.)  That sunk in.  I had forgotten to have faith.  This isn't about a birth-mom selecting or rejecting me.  This is about one way or another God will find a way to get a little soul to our family.

Our adoption lawyer said the same thing.  He said "In my experience, babies always end up in the homes they are meant to go to."  So whatever child is supposed to be a part of our family will end up with us.

So- after letting all this sink in... I think it's time to tell.  We've been selected by a birth-mom to adopt a baby boy.  And he's due Feb. 20th.  And I think it's time to be excited about it.  (As well as nervous, and scared.... but those are normal new parent emotions too.)    :)