Today I read a blogpost that really resonated with me. It was called "The Gift of Being Broken." I think a lot of people can relate to this.
She said:
"However, God is good, and He has taught me a valuable lesson about being broken through my life’s experiences:
Brokenness is a gift.
Why? Because our brokenness connects us to each other, and our brokenness brings us to Christ. It is by bringing our broken hearts to Him that we are made whole.
Sharing our brokenness brings meaning to our experiences, and the connection we make with others when we share our stories brings healing."
***This is true. And it's interesting how our lives interconnect. When I first started going through my infertility procedures and struggles, a close friend started her infertility journey about 6 months after us. She would do an IUI, then I would do an IUI. Our timing seemed to alternate, so she could comfort me when mine were unsuccessful, and then I could be there for her when hers were unsuccessful. She and her husband did rounds and rounds of IUI's. (Artificial Insemination) Finally they decided to invest the money, and get IVF. (In Vitro Fertilization) Similar to me, she got married later in life. Just like me, she and her husband are LDS and have wanted kids their whole life. And they were so thrilled to find out that she was pregnant after their procedure. Unlike me who kept my pregnancy quiet, she told everyone that it was successful. And they were expecting. Things were going along great. She almost made it to the end of the 1st trimester. And when she went in for her ultrasound, they were unable to find a heartbeat. (just like me). How I wish that wasn't the case. How I wish she wouldn't have to go through the same devastation that I went through. How I wish her baby could have kept growing. But no. For whatever reason, it wasn't meant to be. It's a dark place to be in when you first miscarry. But that's okay. She texted me the day after she got the news. I was in Walmart. And as our texting conversation went on, I started crying in Walmart. I went to the the housewares aisle which was less crowded than the grocery aisles. And I could honestly share in her misery. It sucks. You go through all that blood, shots, surgeries, and tears, and for what? It seems like all that pain and suffering is for nothing. (Having gone through it, I know it's a refiner's fire. But in the middle of going through it, you're not able to see it yet.) But I was able to tell her that it hurts less on the other side. It's been almost a year since I miscarried. And I'm definitely glad to be on the other side of that trial. Because now I can look back, and identify what the author is talking about below is this quote:
"Being broken is a gift, because when we are broken, we recognize the need for a Savior to make us whole.
There’s a reason that the sacrifice Jesus asks of us is a “broken heart and a contrite spirit.” A broken heart is one that is open to Him, that lets in His grace. He felt our pains and sorrows first, and by going through a little of what He went through, we feel His power in our lives."
This is the other things I have learned through this trial. That Jesus Christ literally has bound up my wounds, and pieced my broken heart back together. (at times I thought I was going to completely lose it.) I have felt a peace that only my Savior Jesus Christ could give. And so although I still struggle with my infertility and the direction of my life. It's not as intense now. And I can definitely recognize that the Lord was there to comfort me during my trials. And I had to go down that road, if only to know that I tried everything I could. And to learn that was not my path.
I'm still learning what my path in this life is. But I know I have learned to rely on Jesus Christ more over the past few years than ever before in my life. And that's all I really know right now. And I have that knowledge as I move forward... to whatever the future holds.
