This is what I am learning.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Monday, March 7, 2016
Where do we go from here?
So... now the question is where do we go from here?
Hubby and I had a consult with my doctor's office last Monday.
He told us there were 3 possible reasons why our In Vitro Fertilization wasn't successful.
1) Just bad luck. The odds were 42% chance of a successful pregnancy, which left 58% chance of not getting pregnant.
2) Maybe I did get pregnant, and my immune system attacked it... causing me to miscarry before the first pregnancy test.
3) Maybe I was pregnant, and there was a small blood clot that although would be non-harmful to me, could have blocked the embryo from receiving nutrients, and caused miscarriage.
There are tests he could do to determine what happened, but at this point, why bother?
Looking towards the future, he told us about our options.
1) Do nothing.
2) Try the fertility drug Femara and do a trigger shot to ovulate at a certain time. (with timed intercourse)
3) Try the fertility drug Femara and do an IUI. (Artificial Fertilization)
4) Try In Vitro fertilization again (IVF). He felt like he could change up my drug protocol and probably get me 2 embryos to implant which would improve my odds.
5) Use a donor egg, and hubby's sperm to create an embryo
6) Do a donor embryo transfer. (Adopt a left-over embryo from someone else's IVF cycle)
Here's how I feel about it each option...
1) Maybe we should quit trying infertility treatments. Maybe this means we should pursue traditional adoption. But how do you know when to stop? How do you know how much to invest before you quit? I don't know the answer. Maybe we aren't supposed to have kids. But if that's my dream, I feel like there's a way to accomplish it. And I'm not quite ready to give up on my dream yet.
2) and 3) No thanks. We did a lot of IUI's last year. And they didn't work. Besides, we already tried IVF. This would be like taking a step backwards.
4) I'm done with IVF. I don't want to go through that egg retrieval surgery again. Especially given that we had a really low success rate every step of the way. It's expensive. I didn't get very many eggs. Only 1 of my embryos survived, and that one didn't take. Maybe if we had gotten more eggs out of it, I'd be willing to try it again. But I think this means my body doesn't want to cooperate.
5) I would be fine with using a donor egg w/ hubby's sperm, and implanting it in me... if it weren't for the price tag!! That was THE most expensive option there was! You're basically paying for you and another woman to do IVF. There was no way I was comfortable with gambling with that amount of money. It's hard enough to digest how much we are already spending on our own treatments.
6) This is one option that we were actually considering. Adopt an embryo. It's a cross between adoption and pregnancy. They have a spreadsheet of anonymous donors. The spreadsheet has age, physical characteristics, etc. Here's what a sample one looks like: http://fertilitytreatmentcenter.com/EmbryoDonatio%20Database.pdf
These are couples that have done In Vitro cycles, are done having their families, and that have left-over embryos. They have chosen to donate them to the fertility clinic to help out other couples. It's like adoption- because you have someone else's sperm and egg (fertilized embryo) inside you. But the benefits are- that you control the pregnancy. I control all the pre-natal care my baby would receive. I personally don't smoke, drink, or do drugs. I would take all the necessary pre-natal vitamins,etc. I would give birth to the baby, so I already have parental rights. (And I don't have to wait to be chosen for adoption, or worry if the birth mom will change her mind.) Plus, it's about 1/3 the cost of traditional adoption. So... we went home to consider this.
That evening, hubby and I were talking about our options. We were seriously looking into the Adopt-An-Embryo program. Looking at the spreadsheet, there was a set of good embryos that we were interested in. But when I emailed the IVF coordinator on Tues morning, she informed me that that specific set had been reserved the night before. :(
I was disappointed all over again. It feels like this part of my life is about learning to deal with disappointments.... big and small.
I have had 3 well-meaning friends/ family members offer to be a surrogate for me. But that's not even an option. I'm out of embryos. That's super expensive. Plus, I don't know that I could put a friend/ family member through all that. They have no idea what they are offering. It's pretty intense. It's months of doctor appointments, drugs, shots, procedures. I went through it. It wasn't that fun, I promise. I don't think I would put another person through that.
So now... back to the drawing board. I keep praying that the Lord will help me find what direction I'm supposed to go with this. Am I supposed to have kids? Am I not supposed to have my own kids? Should I keep trying infertility treatments? Should we focus on regular adoption? I know when one door closes, another opens. And I'm willing to move forward... I just wish I didn't have to have so many doors slammed in my face to find the right one for me.
So for right now, I'm working on getting my house ready for the home study. (We had already started the process of getting certified for adoption last year, but took a break to try the IVF.) We did the fingers prints, background checks, and physicals. We just needed to meet with the Adoption Agency a few more times, and complete our home study. So I guess that's my new focus.
And try to figure out where to go from here.
Hubby and I had a consult with my doctor's office last Monday.
He told us there were 3 possible reasons why our In Vitro Fertilization wasn't successful.
1) Just bad luck. The odds were 42% chance of a successful pregnancy, which left 58% chance of not getting pregnant.
2) Maybe I did get pregnant, and my immune system attacked it... causing me to miscarry before the first pregnancy test.
3) Maybe I was pregnant, and there was a small blood clot that although would be non-harmful to me, could have blocked the embryo from receiving nutrients, and caused miscarriage.
There are tests he could do to determine what happened, but at this point, why bother?
Looking towards the future, he told us about our options.
1) Do nothing.
2) Try the fertility drug Femara and do a trigger shot to ovulate at a certain time. (with timed intercourse)
3) Try the fertility drug Femara and do an IUI. (Artificial Fertilization)
4) Try In Vitro fertilization again (IVF). He felt like he could change up my drug protocol and probably get me 2 embryos to implant which would improve my odds.
5) Use a donor egg, and hubby's sperm to create an embryo
6) Do a donor embryo transfer. (Adopt a left-over embryo from someone else's IVF cycle)
Here's how I feel about it each option...
1) Maybe we should quit trying infertility treatments. Maybe this means we should pursue traditional adoption. But how do you know when to stop? How do you know how much to invest before you quit? I don't know the answer. Maybe we aren't supposed to have kids. But if that's my dream, I feel like there's a way to accomplish it. And I'm not quite ready to give up on my dream yet.
2) and 3) No thanks. We did a lot of IUI's last year. And they didn't work. Besides, we already tried IVF. This would be like taking a step backwards.
4) I'm done with IVF. I don't want to go through that egg retrieval surgery again. Especially given that we had a really low success rate every step of the way. It's expensive. I didn't get very many eggs. Only 1 of my embryos survived, and that one didn't take. Maybe if we had gotten more eggs out of it, I'd be willing to try it again. But I think this means my body doesn't want to cooperate.
5) I would be fine with using a donor egg w/ hubby's sperm, and implanting it in me... if it weren't for the price tag!! That was THE most expensive option there was! You're basically paying for you and another woman to do IVF. There was no way I was comfortable with gambling with that amount of money. It's hard enough to digest how much we are already spending on our own treatments.
6) This is one option that we were actually considering. Adopt an embryo. It's a cross between adoption and pregnancy. They have a spreadsheet of anonymous donors. The spreadsheet has age, physical characteristics, etc. Here's what a sample one looks like: http://fertilitytreatmentcenter.com/EmbryoDonatio%20Database.pdf
These are couples that have done In Vitro cycles, are done having their families, and that have left-over embryos. They have chosen to donate them to the fertility clinic to help out other couples. It's like adoption- because you have someone else's sperm and egg (fertilized embryo) inside you. But the benefits are- that you control the pregnancy. I control all the pre-natal care my baby would receive. I personally don't smoke, drink, or do drugs. I would take all the necessary pre-natal vitamins,etc. I would give birth to the baby, so I already have parental rights. (And I don't have to wait to be chosen for adoption, or worry if the birth mom will change her mind.) Plus, it's about 1/3 the cost of traditional adoption. So... we went home to consider this.
That evening, hubby and I were talking about our options. We were seriously looking into the Adopt-An-Embryo program. Looking at the spreadsheet, there was a set of good embryos that we were interested in. But when I emailed the IVF coordinator on Tues morning, she informed me that that specific set had been reserved the night before. :(
I was disappointed all over again. It feels like this part of my life is about learning to deal with disappointments.... big and small.
I have had 3 well-meaning friends/ family members offer to be a surrogate for me. But that's not even an option. I'm out of embryos. That's super expensive. Plus, I don't know that I could put a friend/ family member through all that. They have no idea what they are offering. It's pretty intense. It's months of doctor appointments, drugs, shots, procedures. I went through it. It wasn't that fun, I promise. I don't think I would put another person through that.
So now... back to the drawing board. I keep praying that the Lord will help me find what direction I'm supposed to go with this. Am I supposed to have kids? Am I not supposed to have my own kids? Should I keep trying infertility treatments? Should we focus on regular adoption? I know when one door closes, another opens. And I'm willing to move forward... I just wish I didn't have to have so many doors slammed in my face to find the right one for me.
So for right now, I'm working on getting my house ready for the home study. (We had already started the process of getting certified for adoption last year, but took a break to try the IVF.) We did the fingers prints, background checks, and physicals. We just needed to meet with the Adoption Agency a few more times, and complete our home study. So I guess that's my new focus.
And try to figure out where to go from here.
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